Stranger Safety Rap Book Trailer for What Would You Do? A Kid's Guide to...

Teaching Children Escape Strategies if Grabbed by a Predator

            Two young girls from Evansdale, Iowa have been reported missing on Friday after the two cousins went for a bicycle ride together and did not return home. Their bicycles were found abandoned near a lake. We all hope and pray for the safe return of both little girls. Their disappearance, however, is a cautionary tale.

             My book, What Would You Do? A Kid’s Guide to Staying Safe in a World of Strangers, teaches children how to avoid being grabbed by a potential predator, and how to fight back to escape if they are grabbed. The book even offers strategies for children to employ if they are unable to escape the grab and are put into a car. Parents should practice all the strategies in the book with their children.

            The book stresses using the buddy system, a very good strategy for all children. Children should never go anywhere alone. However, the possibility exists that even the buddy system may have failed the two Iowa girls, as they are both missing.

Both girls were on a bicycle ride together when last seen. What Would You Do? A Kid’s Guide to Staying Safe in a World of Strangers explains one particular escape strategy that would be a good one for children to try if they are riding a bicycle when approached by a potential predator. A child  who has been grabbed by a potential predator, while screaming something specific, such as “Stranger 911” or “Help! I don’t know this person”, should also kick, punch, scratch pull hair, wriggle around as much as possible to escape the grasp. If a child is on a bicycle, as the two young cousins from Iowa were when last seen, the child should try to keep holding on to the bicycle. This will make it harder for the abductor to pick up the child.

            Even though the buddy system is a good strategy for children, it can sometimes fail to protect. Children, who are with a friend and are confronted by a potential abductor, may be reluctant to leave the side of the friend. If we are to believe the character, Maverick, from the film, Top Gun, we never abandon our Wing Man. However, former FBI profiler, Clint Van Zandt, has suggested that when two children are confronted by a potential abductor, the children should run in opposite directions. The abductor cannot easily pursue both. He will have to choose which to pursue. The other can run for help.

An ideal scenario would be one in which both children, using such a strategy, manage to escape to safety. However, we don’t live in an ideal world. That is why it is important that children be taught the right thing to do whenever faced with such threats.

Picture credit: Anissa Thompson



It Takes a Village: Failure to Protect the Jerry Sandusky Sexual Abuse Victims

Hillary Clinton’s book, It Takes a Village: And Other Lessons Children Teach Us, presents a vision for America’s children. It focuses on the positive impact that both individuals and groups outside of the family have on the well-being of all children. Hillary Clinton advocated for a society which meets all children’s needs. Penn State University, in the Jerry Sandusky sex abuse scandal, failed to meet children’s needs. They failed to protect Sandusky’s victims or even take appropriate disciplinary or legal action.

In the wake of the scandal, the Penn State Board of Trustees admitted failure in its obligation to the university and to the victims. Kenneth C. Frazier, the board member who chaired an investigations task force, said, “We are accountable for what’s happened here. An event like this can never happen again in the Penn State University community.”

One would hope that the outrage over the Sandusky sex abuse scandal and the failure to protect the victims results in our society reaching a point in which we expect the same bravery and sense of responsibility of adults to report suspected child abuse, as we expect of victims in coming forth with disclosures of their abuse.

It does, indeed, take a village. Every adult must claim responsibility for protecting children. Such responsibility begins with learning the signs of abuse and educating oneself, one’s neighbors, colleagues, and family members about child abuse.

Children must be taught body safety. They must be taught about safe and unsafe touches. Children must be taught to whom they can turn for help if they ever receive a touch that makes them feel uncomfortable or are harmed or abused in any way.

My book, What Would You Do? A Kid’s Guide to Staying Safe in a World of Strangers, addresses the issue of good touch and bad touch and teaches children always to tell if they have been abused or fear abuse. Even though my book teaches children to take a pro-active role in staying safe, the ultimate responsibility still lies with adults. It is not the responsibility of children to protect themselves. It is the responsibility of adults to do so.

Showing Your Children Unconditional Love

“When you look into your mother’s eyes, you know that is the purest love you can find on this earth.” (Mitch Albom) – For One More Day

The quote from Mitch Albom’s book, For One More Day, makes an eloquent point about the importance of parents demonstrating unconditional love for their children. It has been said that parents are the only ones who are obligated to love their children, but, from the rest of the world, children must earn it. The take-away from this point of view is that children shouldn’t ever feel as though they are loved by the parents because their parents are obligated to do so by the very nature of the parent – child relationship. It’s also true that children should never be made to feel as though they must earn their parents’ love. Parental love for their children should be unconditional.

Because today’s families often lead such hectic, overscheduled lives, it sometimes becomes difficult for parents to find the time to connect or bond, in a meaningful way, with their children. The parent – child relationship and bonding time should always be a top priority. There are ways for parents to nurture this relationship and show their children unconditional love.

Parents should demonstrate their affection for their children by giving random, unexpected hugs. Hugs are an appropriate and wonderful way for parents to connect with their children on a physical level. Another effective way that parents can demonstrate to their children that they love them and think about them, even when they aren’t together, is to put notes in their children’s lunch box or back pack. Finding a nice note or smiley face is a fun surprise for children, especially small children. It’s important to keep in mind, however, that older children may find this embarrassing in front of their peers.

It’s also a loving gesture to leave a note on the child’s bathroom mirror. Most children start their day in the bathroom and will, in all likelihood, see the note. Seeing a loving note from a parent, no matter how old or young the child is, can create a good start to their day. Teenagers, in particular, often assess their images in the mirror and are often critical of what they see. Leaving notes that remind children of their assets, rather than their self-perceived flaws, is a loving way to build self-esteem. When children are told nice things first thing in the morning, they will definitely know they are loved. This is a particularly effective strategy for working parents who may not see their children before they leave for school.

Parents can also demonstrate love to their children by occasionally surprising them with a small gift when they don’t expect it. Children expect gifts on birthdays and Christmas, but getting a small token gift for no particular reason is a special loving surprise. With that being said, however, parents always should remember that the best gift they can give their children is the gift of their time. Make time for quality family togetherness.

Who Would Believe a Kid? Failure to Protect the Jerry Sandusky Sexual Abuse Victims

Picture credit: Kriss Szkurlatowski

Jerry Sandusky, the 68-year-old retired defensive coach for Penn State University, was found guilty Friday, June 22, 2012 on 45 of 48 counts of sexually assaulting 10 boys over a period of 15 years, including his own adopted son. According to statements from some of the victims, they told guidance counselors and other adults that they trusted, and, unfortunately they were not believed. It just seemed too incredulous considering Jerry Sandusky was such a beloved and trusted icon in the Penn State community.

Who would believe a child anyway? After all, children have active imaginations. They sometimes create fantastic, incredulous stories from their imaginations.

Sometimes children even lie for various reasons. Quoting from a report from the Department of Pediatrics from Hahnemann University Hospital in Philadelphia,“If lying is defined as giving a false statement for personal gain, then lying is only one of several causes for children not giving an accurate account of events. The desire of a child to please others--that is, parents, therapists, or lawyers--may also result in an invalid statement. These factors and motivations should be considered in trying to interpret a youngster's statement.”

It is true that sometimes children do, indeed, make false statements and accusations. Research has shown that such false statements are sometimes a reality, particularly in the school environment. Documented cases have shown that students have sometimes made false accusations against teachers for vindictive reasons, such as bad grades or resentment over a disciplinary measure. In some of those cases, the teachers’ careers and reputations were ruined, only to have the young accusers later retract the accusation and admit that they had made false accusations. So it is important first to assess whether or not a child is telling the truth.

The take-away from all of this, however, is that, regardless of what kind of accusation a child has made, the child’s statement warrants careful scrutiny and examination. This is where the adults in the Jerry Sandusky sexual abuse scandal tragically failed his victims.

Another important take-away from the Sandusky sexual abuse scandal is the importance of parents teaching their children always to tell if something bad happens to them. It is crucial for parents to teach their children that they have control over their own bodies. Parents should have conversations with them about good touch and bad touch. Parents should teach their children that examples of good touch are a hug, or a kiss on the cheek from a loved one, or a high five or a pat on the back. Parents should teach their children that examples of bad touches could include hitting, kicking, and touching private parts. Parents need to instruct their children that touching other’s private parts or letting others touch theirs is inappropriate and not safe.

My book, What Would You Do? A Kid’s Guide to Staying Safe in a World of Strangers, teaches children that it is okay to say “No” to anyone, even an adult, who asks them to do something that makes them feel uncomfortable or weird. The book teaches children never to allow anyone to touch them in the private area of their bodies – any area that would normally be covered by a swimsuit. It also teaches them not to touch anyone else in those areas if asked to do so. The book teaches children that they should always tell their parents or a trusted adult anytime anything like that happens. Hopefully, the trusted adult will believe what they have been told, and, at a very minimum, scrutinize and investigate it. Failure to do so would be a form of child neglect.  

A direct quote from my book encouraging children to tell is excerpted below:

“If something bad or scary happens to you, always tell. Even if it is only a little bit scary. You aren’t a baby for telling. Trust your instincts – your radar. No secrets ever! Even if you are warned and threatened to keep it a secret, always tell. Tell Mom, Dad, your teacher, or another trusted adult. Remember, if something like that happens, it’s not your fault. It is nothing for you to feel shame about. Tell someone so that you can be protected from something bad happening again. Mom and Dad will always love you, no matter what.”





Video book trailer for What Would You Do? A Kid's Guide to Staying Safe in a World of Strangers

Summer Safety for Children

“Summer afternoon—summer afternoon; to me those have always been the two most beautiful words in the English language.” (Henry James)

Summer is near and soon children will be on vacation from school. Most families take advantage of summertime to travel and do fun family activities such as going to amusement parks, water parks, camping, and a plethora of other kinds of fun activities for children and their parents. Just as the above quote from Henry James implies, summers are beautiful. Keeping summer days beautiful, however, by preventing accidents or harm coming to children is a goal to which all families should aspire.

Summer time is more than just making sure our children are sufficiently slathered with sunscreen while playing outdoors. One of the greatest summer gifts that parents can give their children is the gift of time. Parents should invest the time wisely by being there for their children and strengthening familial relationships and bonds. Few things help children feel safer than knowing that parents are committed to being there for them and enjoying fun family summer activities. It is of paramount importance, though, that families keep their children safe during their various summer travel and recreational activities.  

Safety in Amusement Parks

It is understandable for parents to have concerns about the safety of their children in amusement parks. Even though serious safety problems for children at amusement parks are extremely rare, the thought of losing a child in a theme park or water park is a nightmarish scenario for parents. There are safety strategies that will better protect children from getting lost in amusement parks, as well as protect children from predator threat.

Parents, even before taking children to an amusement park, should begin by studying the park’s layout. Park layouts can usually be found at the various park websites or on their brochures. In addition, parents should plan the day’s amusement park activities in advance and never allow young children to wander through the park alone. If the children are teens, parents should never let them go off alone without knowing where they will be at every moment.

Most amusement, theme parks, and water parks have safety centers where lost children can go. Parents should always point out such facilities to their children and tell them to go there if they get lost or separated from the family or in any kind of an emergency. Families should agree in advance on a meeting place, such as the merry-go-round or the Ferris wheel in the event the children would get separated from the parents.

In all vacation planning, including trips to amusement parks and other locales that are packed with other children, it is a good strategy to have younger children dress in bright, distinctive clothing, including shoes.  If parents dress their children in such clothing they will have an easier time recognizing their children in a crowd of other children if they get separated. Distinctive clothing and shoes can also help with identifying an abducted child. Police maintain that having a child wear distinctive shoes is a most important strategyfor helping to find and identify a child who has been kidnapped from a park or anywhere. In a recent abduction incident, the abductor shaved the child’s head, and changed the child’s clothes, but officials found the abducted child by identifying the distinctive shoes which had not been changed. 

It is also a good idea for parents to take cell phone pictures of their children wearing that day’s outfits. Such photos can be valuable in helping parents reclaim their lost children from park offic

Unfortunately, as my book, What Would You Do? A Kid’s Guide to Staying Safe in a World of Strangers explains, too many parents use the term “stranger danger” and advise their children never to talk to any strangers. “Stranger danger” is not a good phrase to use. It can make children fearful of talking to certain types of strangers in emergency situations, such as when they get lost.  One of the most important skills for a child who is lost or needs any kind of help in an emergency situation is the ability to talk with the appropriate strangers.

The Center for Missing & Exploited Children advises parents to teach their children to be comfortable approaching families and park personnel, such as security guards in uniform. The Center advises parents, however, to teach their children not to approach costumed characters in a theme park if they become lost. Children approaching costumed characters in an emergency would be unwise because predators can easily disguise themselves. Instead parents should instruct their children to head for the nearest snack bar because kids are adept in seeking out food kiosks which attract a lot of families.

Family trips to amusement parks can be quite fun and provide opportunities for family bonding. Advance preparation and following these simple safety procedures in the park can minimize the risk to children without negatively impacting the family fun.

Safety on Camping Trips

Family camping trips can provide wonderful opportunities for family bonding and can be memorable, magical experiences for children. Camping trips often involve hikes, campfires, and swimming activities. Unfortunately, while camping, some children lack the necessary safety skills and precautions that would better guarantee that they don’t get involved in dangerous situations at the campground.

Parents should instruct their children to play on their respective campsites and not in the roads winding around the campsites. There is danger from passing vehicles when children play in the roads around the campground. Parents should also instruct their children on proper bike riding safety before letting their children ride bikes in and around the camp. Bike rules are pretty much the same as automobile rules. All cyclists, including children, must yield the right-of-way when appropriate and ride as far to the right of the road as safely possible.

Parents, before embarking upon a camping trip, should instruct children in proper campfire safety strategies. Parents should teach their children never to run within the vicinity of fires or play with fire.  Parents should teach children that playing around or near a fire pit area, even after the fire is out, can seriously burn them. Parents should teach children to respect fire and make them aware of the damage fire can do to the surrounding forest if the fire is not tended properly.

It is important to take precautions to keep children safe when swimming in campgrounds or any place where there are swimming facilities. Many private parks may have lifeguards, but many public swimming areas may lack the security of lifeguards. Parents should keep an eye on their children when they are swimming in ponds, lakes, or pools in a campground or park or at the beach. Parents should be sure their children wear weight-and-age-appropriate flotation devices for added security.

Parents should also instruct their children in the necessary stranger safety precautions while camping, while in amusement parks, or while staying in hotels or motels, or spending time in any public arenas while on vacation. Strategies for empowering children to take a pro-active role in staying safe from abduction or predator harm can be accessed through my book, What Would You Do?A Kid’s Guide to Staying Safe in a World of Strangers. The book is available at Barnes & Noble, Amazon, Books-A-Million, Follett, Baker & Taylor, and Ingrams. Additional information about the book and additional safety strategies can be accessed through the book website, Melissa Harker Ridenour Books at www.AuthorMelissaHarkerRidenour.com.

Picture credit: Billy Alexander