Help Your Children Cope with Divorce

“I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then a classic case of divorce really affected me.” (Kurt Cobain)

Just as it is of paramount importance to help children learn how to stay safe from abduction, abuse or any kind of predator harm, it is also important to help children learn how to cope with situations involving their parents getting divorced.

Children who don’t understand the reasons that their parents are divorcing find the situation to be extremely distressing. Divorcing parents, however, can make the effects of divorce less painful for their children.

How parents tell their children about a pending divorce is critical to the children understanding and coping in an emotionally healthy way. Parents should reassure them that their love for them hasn’t changed and never will. Parents should assure children that they will continue to care for them and love them no matter what.

Parents should warn their children that some things may change and that there may be some logistical problems, but the family will work together through each detail and problem as they arise.

Parents seeking divorce should approach it amicably and try to maintain a civil and even friendly relationship afterwards, for the sake of children involved. Parents should endeavor to make children understand that the divorce is not the children’s fault, and children shouldn’t be made to feel as if they are losing a parent. Divorcing parents who maintain a healthy, amicable relationship can more effectively help their children heal from the shift in their lives.

Divorced couples should try to maintain communication with one another. Above all, parents who are divorcing should avoid using the children as pawns or speaking badly about one another in front of the children. Keep it civil, and keep it real.

(Picture credit - S. Braswell)

Children Believing in Santa Claus

“Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.” (Francis Pharcellus Church)

The above quote from an editorial posted in response to a little girl who wrote the New York Sun in 1897 inquiring as to the existence of Santa Claus takes a positive and eloquent position on the controversy of whether or not the Santa Claus myth should be perpetuated.

Opinions vary on the subject. Those who believe that the Santa myth should not be perpetuated in children believe that the tradition is secular rather than religious. They also object to the necessity of telling a lie to perpetuate the myth. They also believe that the myth contributes to increased commercialization of Christmas.

Those who support perpetuating the Santa myth believe that such myths can transmit shared values and traditions from one generation to the next. Supporters believe that myths, such as the Santa myth, can relate moral messages, just as Aesop's fables have done. Such supporters of perpetuating the Santa myth see value in sparking children’s imagination and see no harm in such a myth.

 







Keeping Children Safe with GPS Tracking

“If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.” (Abraham H. Maslow)

My award-winning book, What Would You Do? A Kid’s Guide to Staying Safe in a World of Strangers,  provides tools and strategies to help parents and teachers keep children safe and to empower children to take a pro-active role in keeping themselves safe from abduction or predator harm.

                                                              

The book also makes reference to the importance of cell phones as an aid to keep our children safe through communication and even through cell phone tracking. Parents, however, are not limited to a hammer as their only tool, so they should not see every problem as a nail. Not only is my book, What Would You Do? A Kid’s Guide to Staying Safe in a World of Strangers, a very effective tool, GPS Tracking Devices are very effective methods of keeping children safe as well.

Children can become lost, abducted, or they can even run away. GPS Tracking devices can help remedy such scary and risky occurrences. GPS tracking for children , a very light-weight gadget that allows parents easily and conveniently to track their children, can be fastened to a child’s backpack, shoes or watch. It can also be inserted onto items of clothing making it easier to locate lost children, children who have run away, and children who may have been abducted. There is even a very tiny version of the device that can be implanted into a child’s body. However, the safety of such a GPS implant procedure is still being studied.

 



Penn State Sexual Abuse Allegations: Preventing Sexual Abuse

“Child abuse does not go away, but 90% of child abuse is preventable” (Karen Adams)

 Allegations of sexual abuse have been made against Jerry Sandusky who served as the defensive coordinator for the Penn State football team for 23 years before retiring in 1999. Sandusky was known for his love of children before the alleged incidents. He and his wife adopted five children and raised three foster children.

 Eight victims have testified that Sandusky befriended them through The Second Mile, a charitable organization Sandusky founded in 1977. The Second Mile is a group home and an outreach program for troubled boys. Sandusky is alleged to have endeavored to mentor the boys, to give them gifts, trips to sporting events, and access to the Penn State football facilities. Then he purportedly sexually assaulted the boys.

Head coach, Joe Paterno, and two university officials were named in the indictment that brought charges against Sandusky.  They were named in the indictment because police allege there was a cover-up of at least one instance of Sandusky sexually assaulting a young boy on the Penn State campus in 2002.

The fact that such types of alleged child abuse capture media attention is testimony to the importance of children of all ages learning to protect themselves from sexual abuse, or any kind of abuse. My award-winning book, What Would You Do? A Kid’s Guide to Staying Safe in a World of Strangers, teaches children about common predator lures and advises children to take caution, take action and always tell. (C.A.T)

To summarize briefly, What Would You Do? A Kid’s Guide to Staying Safe in a World of Strangers emphasizes the following protective strategies for children to keep them safe from abuse:

Children should be cautious around people they don’t know or don’t know very well. Children need to learn to trust their instincts.

Children should take action to be safe. They should learn whom they should and should not trust, and they should become street smart and not fall for common predator lures.  

Children should always tell if something bad happens to them. Children should remember that if something bad or threatening happens to them, it is nothing for them to feel ashamed about. It is not their fault.

When children hear about such abuse allegations on the news, parents should be prepared to discuss the implications of such incidents. Parents should use it as a teachable moment. Parents should instruct their children never to be afraid to tell them if something threatening or scary happens to them. Parents should reassure their children that they will never stop loving them, no matter what.

What Would You Do? A Kid’s Guide to Staying Safe in a World of Strangers provides both children and parents strategies to prevent, not only predator abduction, but also to prevent sexual abuse. The book is published by Headline Books, Inc. It is available through Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Books-a-Million, Follett, Ingrams, and Baker and Taylor. The book was recently honored as a Best Books Award Finalist USA Book News.

Is Spanking Children an Effective Discipline?

Spanking and verbal criticism have become, to many parents, more important tools of child rearing than approval. (Phil Donahue)

Spanking children is one form of corporal punishment, or the deliberate infliction of pain to deter misbehavior in children. Corporal punishment is a controversial issue. There are varied opinions as to the effectiveness of such discipline. As with most things in life, there are disadvantages and advantages.

One disadvantage is that spanking can get out of hand, even though parents often think their spanking is done in a controlled manner. In addition, some research shows a connection spanking children and aggressive behavior of those same children when they become adults.

Some psychologists and educators believe that spanking children prevents them from learning humane conflict resolution. They also believe that spanking children only produces cooperation in the short term, and not in the long run. They assert that spanking is based on fear and negatively affects parent - child bonding. They believe that it is more effective to promote good behavior by bonds of mutual respect and love.

There are those who believe that spanking has some advantages as an effective form of child discipline. One study found that children who remember being spanked displayed better school performance and were more charitable and optimistic than children who weren’t spanked as a disciplinary measure. This study, however, contradicts theories that children who are spanked are more aggressive than those who aren’t spanked.

Parents need to weigh the pros and cons of spanking children before deciding how they want to punish misbehavior in their own children.

Halloween Safety for Your Family

The following is a guest post from Erik Braunitzer, a member of the creative writing and communications department at Douglas Elliman Real Estate Company. He serves as chief editor of an experienced team of writers who touch upon topic matters concerning family living, home improvement, design, real estate and more. The following has been vetted by multiple researchers and writers, and catered specifically to readers interested in the safety of their child or children.

Halloween Safety for Your Family

 Courtesy of Douglas Elliman Real Estate Company, Agents for New York City Real Estate.

The festivities that come with Halloween are very exciting for adults and children alike. Whether you’re attending a haunted house or trick or treating, you should be wary of the dangers. With a little bit of planning and a few important safety rules, Halloween can be both harmless and enjoyable.

Trick-or-treating after dark makes it spookier and more fun, but children running around in the dark can be hard to see, and parents need to make sure that their children are visible to drivers. This can be done in fun and creative ways that enhance, not detract, from the child's costume. Many stores sell Halloween themed flashlights that are perfect to take along while trick-or-treating. Kids love flashlights, and one with ghosts or pumpkins on it can become a fun addition to the evening. Reflectors in Halloween shapes to be worn around the neck are another great idea, and look terrific with any costume. Lastly, most stores sell glow-in-the-dark necklaces and bracelets that come in a variety of bright colors. They are fun to wear, and they make the child highly visible. Remember, vehicles are amongst some of the greatest threats on Halloween night, but they also present opportunities for safety. If the weather is cold, or your neighborhood already doesn’t meet safety standards, then it may be smarter to utilize your car for trick or treating. Just be wary of others!

Although not your first option, another great and innovative preventative safety recommendation would be an electronic child tracker. Digital Wireless Trackers aren’t very affordable, but they’re certainly practical. The way it works is simple – Your child gets a watch that beeps once he/she goes out of range (anywhere between 16 and 60 feet depending on your setting). Supplementary to that, your wireless indicator will point in the direction of your child and blinks faster as you get closer. Depending on how much you’re willing to spend, these locators can also be used as GPS devices that are valuable for a lost child (worst case scenario).

Technology is great, and usually won’t fail you, but parent involvement is the one, sure way to keep children safe on Halloween night. A responsible adult should accompany all children, and very small children need to have the adult walk them up to the door. Older children can be allowed to walk and trick-or-treat a few houses ahead, but should always be within eyesight of an adult.

All candy needs to be inspected by the parent once the child gets home. Any candy that looks suspicious or has open wrappers should be thrown away immediately, as should any treats that are homemade. This can be done in a way that is not upsetting to the child. One fun way is for the parent to help the child sort the candy into similar piles while subtly looking for unsafe treats. This way, the child can enjoy his or her candy, and the parent can ensure the child's safety.

The whole idea of Halloween is to have fun, to enjoy time together with family and friends. A few common sense safety rules can ensure that Halloween night is a special and memorable time for the whole family.

A Tragic Case of Child Abuse

“What is done to children, they will do to society.”  (Karl A. Menninger)

It is tragic that some children suffer abuse in silence either because they cannot tell or are afraid to tell anyone what is happening to them. It is unfortunate that some people who suspect that a child is being abused, neglect to do anything about it because they either don’t want to get involved or they feel it is none of their business.

God bless the neighbors who did report a suspected case of a tragically abused and neglected child in Scranton, Pennsylvania. The neighbors, who had been suspicious of the abused child’s parents to begin with, heard the cries of the child and called authorities.

When police arrived on the scene they discovered a diaper-wearing, terrified 7-year-old boy in a bug-ridden basement of a condemned Pennsylvania home. He said that he was often put in the basement as punishment and was told that ghosts lived down there. The boy told police he was forced to sleep in a coffin in the basement. He also told police that he was frequently duct-taped to a chair in the home. "Are you here to help me?" he asked police who entered the Scranton home on September 26. Authorities are searching for the couple who live at the boy's address after he was found terrified and alone in the dark last week.

It has been said that it takes a village to raise a child. Anyone who suspects a child of being abused or neglected should report such suspicions to authorities. To neglect doing so is in effect what is called bystander syndrome – a tendency to stand by and allow harm to an individual without doing anything to intervene. For more information on bystander syndrome read my Suite 101 article, “Bystander Syndrome: Good Samaritan Ignored & Dies in N.Y.C.” at http://www.suite101.com/news/bystander-syndrome-good-samaritan-ignored--dies-in-nyc-a230282#ixzz1ZvWCDxXh.