Divorce can be devastating to children. There are
strategies for parents to use to help their children cope.
Divorce is
difficult for parents and children alike. Many children of divorce feel
frustrated, sad, angry, and may even act out in unacceptable ways. Parents can
work together to help their children over the rocky road of divorce
How
to Help Children Cope
According to Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D, author of
“Helping Kids Cope with Your Amicable Divorce” on PsychCentral.com, parents can
help their children cope with divorce by listening, by being empathetic and by
being reassuring. Parents should encourage their children to share their
feelings and listen intently when they do. If they have trouble finding the
words to express themselves, parents can help by being mindful of their moods
and inviting them to talk and acknowledging what they say. Parents should let
their children know that whatever they say is ok.
Parents should clear up any misunderstandings or
misconceptions that their children have about the divorce. If necessary,
parents should repeat the reason for the divorce and reassure their children
that, though some things will change, the family will work together to adjust
to the changes. Above all, parents should be patient with their children.
Adjustment will take some time for parents and children alike.
Demonstrating physical closeness with children is a
helpful coping strategy. Parents should demonstrate physical closeness in the
form of hugs and a closer physical proximity.
Such closeness is a powerful way to reassure children that you will be
there for them.
Parents should try to provide stability and
structure for their children as they adjust to the changes. That doesn’t mean
that they have to establish rigid, inflexible schedules, but having some
semblance of a consistent routine in each household and open communication in
and between households provides needed stability during divorce.
Divorcing parents should strive to work with their
ex spouses, maintain an amicable relationship, and avoid arguing in front of
the children or putting the children in the middle of arguments or
disagreements. Parents should avoid making their children feel as if they have
to choose sides.
Parents should be tactful and avoid discussing with
their children any details of their spouse’s behavior. Parents should avoid
making negative comments about their ex in front of or to their children.
Divorcing parents being amicable and working through problems together is very
reassuring to children and will help teach them problem solving skills as
well.
When
to Seek Professional Help
Given time, love and reassurance, many children will
begin to cope with the changes that divorce brings about in their lives. Some
children adapt rather quickly. Others may have a more difficult time and may
need additional help.
It is normal for children of divorced parents to
feel a certain amount of anger, anxiety, and even mild depression. However, if
after several months, children of divorce haven’t shown signs of beginning to
cope, parents should seek professional help for them.
Parents should watch for such warning signs as poor
concentration and trouble at school, sleep problems, and drug or alcohol
problems. If their children should start withdrawing from family, friends and
loved ones or show no interest in participating in activities they formerly
enjoyed, they may not be coping.
Parents should also watch for more severe reactions
to the divorce such as persistent angry or violent outbursts or any signs of
self injury, such as cutting. If any such behavior is observed parents should
seek professional help.
Picture credit: Crystal Galvaz
